Do I Have an Anger Management Problem?
Are you easily irritated or often frustrated? Are you often critical of yourself or others? Do you lack patience or have difficulty waiting? Do you feel stressed out or easily discouraged? Can you sometimes be insensitive to the feelings of others? Do you sometimes blame them for your problems? Do you avoid people when you don’t want to talk to them? Are you unwilling to listen to others’ points of view?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you may have difficulty managing your anger. Anger is often expressed in many ways besides yelling, screaming, and physical aggression. Anger management is simply recognizing your feelings of frustration, and learning positive ways of coping with these feelings.
Some people believe that anger is a “negative” emotion, and that healthy people should never get angry. However, anger is a normal human emotion, and everyone has feelings of anger at times. We can choose to handle those feelings in constructive or destructive ways. It is not wrong to feel angry, but sometimes our behavior can be hurtful or destructive.
I Don't Think About My Anger, I Just Forget About It
When you get angry, do you suppress your negative feelings deep inside, refusing to deal with them? Do you bury things “under the rug” and hope they will go away? It is not any healthier to hide these emotions than it is to express them in negative ways. If you live in denial of your anger, you may feel you must “have it all together”, you may be concerned about “bothering” someone, and you may feel sad or stressed. Sometimes you might struggle with physical complaints such as headaches, chest pains, stomach problems or sleep difficulties. Unfortunately, if you try to suppress your anger, those feelings do not disappear. Often, they grow and grow until one day an explosion occurs.
Sometimes people don’t express their anger openly and may act in passive aggressive ways. They often give others the “silent treatment”, and may sulk and pout, or manipulate others by their behavior. They can be deliberately evasive, or tell others what they want to hear, yet do the opposite. They often complain about people or situations, but rarely address these situations directly. Passive aggressiveness is a form of control, and is not a healthy way of handling conflict.
I Don't Like Conflict - Can't We All Just Get Along?
All relationships have conflict. Learning how to communicate openly and honestly is the best way of managing feelings of hurt, frustration, insecurity, and anger. Conflict management is learning how to communicate and respect healthy boundaries. Communication should be clear, honest, and respectful. You should listen to the other person and give them time to respond to your needs and requests. You should learn how and when to say “no” in order to protect yourself. You need to know when to ask for help and be when to be assertive in expressing your emotions. Assertiveness is being firm and calm yet respectful of the needs of others.
Okay, Maybe I Do Need Some Help With My Anger, What Should I Do?
So how should you “manage” your anger? Anger management is simply learning how to manage your negative emotions in positive ways. Some strategies may work for you, while others may not be as helpful. Successful anger management strategies include:
1. Journaling or writing about feelings
2. Drawing or artistic expression
3. Talking to someone safe
4. Exercising
5. Singing, playing an instrument, or listening to music
6. Taking a hot shower or relaxing bath
7. Sleeping
8. Watching TV or movies
9. Cleaning or organizing
10. Reading
11. Playing games or puzzles
You may find additional strategies helpful. The key is to work through your anger in a positive way. Positive coping strategies should not hurt you, anyone else, or property. Many times these strategies will help de-escalate negative feelings and the feelings may be resolved. Other times the situation may need to be addressed in a positive, calm manner.
Permission is granted to reprint this article in your newsletter or magazine as long as the following information is included: "Jama Thurman is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Professional Life Coach working in Manassas, VA with adolescents and young adults looking for peace and purpose. For more information about counseling and life coaching, please email jamathurman@lifechanginggrowth.com or visit www.lifechanginggrowth.com."
